We wish you a joyous Holiday Season
and a New Year filled with peace and happiness.

Yesterday I was talking to a bride about her upcoming wedding that I will be photographing. I am very excited to be shooting the event because I have built a wonderful relationship with my bride and I am looking forward to capturing her celebration so that she can look at her wedding  photographs with wonderful memories of that day. However, as we talked about the photography schedule, she kept apologizing and second guessing herself in the decisions she had made for her wedding. The colors are not very bright, do I have enough candles, I am not very photogenic, I went to a wedding and … I was saddened by our conversation and by the bride feeling that she had failed in planning the perfect wedding. I reminded her that a wedding is not about the desing of the invitations, style and color of bridesmaids dresses, flower boquets, or flavor of the cake, it is not even about her family and friends, it is simply about her commitment to her fiance and their life long journey that they will be starting together!

A fellow wedding professional and friend forwarded this blog to me after I shared my story with her. I think it hits the nail on the head!

An Open Letter to Wedding Bloggers 

**taptap** Hello? Is this thing on? Oh, hey, wedding bloggers! I’m glad I  have your attention. It’s your friendly neighborhood photographer here, sharing  with you a little bit of insight from within the tiny walls of my office. You  see, there’s a lot of blogging trends going on that I find particularly un-swoon-worthy. Of course, this is just my own humble  opinion, but I am here to represent the other photographers and brides of the  world who don’t feel heard or seen.

Why aren’t we being heard or seen?

Why are our weddings being repeatedly rejected from wedding blogs? It is  certainly not because of the quality of photography. I have repeatedly seen  photography on blogs like Cockles and Pretties that would make a  3-year-old look like a pro. At the same time, I’ve seen gorgeous wedding  photography shot by colleagues turned down for publication. Why? Because not all  of our weddings include brides sporting bird nests in their hair, or pretty,  young Anthropologie-swathed bridesmaids, or meticulously stenciled miniature  burlap dinosaurs holding up place cards made from the recycled issues of Rolling Stone, or weddings held in obscure meadows that can only be  reached via bush pilot or a team of sled dogs. Sound over the top? It is, but  you publish this stuff daily! So what is the reality behind many weddings?

Sometimes our clients get  married in churches, country clubs, or even a VFWs (oh yes… it’s  true!).
Sometimes they wear a simple silk wedding dresses,  or employ florists instead of roaming the hillsides of Sweden picking  wildflowers the morning of their weddings. Sometimes they are  doctors, lawyers, or police officers who are too busy to make custom bird  cake-toppers and who don’t have access to a baby-blue vintage bicycles. Sometimes their weddings are simple/normal/average.

Now, don’t get me wrong; we all love the rustic, the unique and the detailed.  I do too, but it isn’t realistic for every couple. And in turn, it’s not  realistic to publish that type of wedding in every blog post! In fact,  the state of the wedding blog-o-sphere is downright distressing for some  couples.They’re visually overloaded by wedding blogs that showcase only  the most unique and the most elaborate weddings, implying showcased weddings are  the norm.

The Height of Dysfunction

I’ve even had brides apologize to me! They say,

“I’m sorry, our wedding is very plain. We didn’t  have the time to make a lot of decorations.”

“This is probably a really boring wedding for you  to photograph, I’m sorry.”

Where are they getting this negative self-image of their wedding? Glad you  asked, because I’ll tell you. They get it from the same place that gave women a  negative self-image of their bodies: the Media. It used to be that the Media  consisted largely of magazines and newspapers. But now you bloggers are a part  of the Media, albeit the so-called “new media.”

Wedding Photographers Suck Too

Wedding blogs aren’t the only ones to blame. I’ve had a lot of photographers  tell me that they only blog about weddings that are highly detailed or  where the bride is pretty and skinny. They leave out the VFW weddings  and the heavier couples so that perspective clients who aren’t Cockles and  Pretties-worthy don’t think to contact them. They don’t want “weddings like  that” in “places like that” with “people like that.” Why?

• Because they won’t get published.
• They won’t have their photography acknowledged.
• They won’t end up in the 7th-grade popularity contest we call the Wedding  Industry.

End This + Consider the Average Bride

As a publisher, you have a chance and the power to change things. So my plea  to you is this: consider the average bride.

Consider the bride who looks at  wedding blogs for inspiration, but only finds ideas she either can’t afford or  doesn’t have time to make.
Consider the bride who thinks  less is more.
Consider the bride who doesn’t wear  feathers.
Consider the bride whose wedding and engagement  session isn’t meticulously styled with an eye toward publication.

In other words:
Consider  the bride who is typical and realistic.

I’m not saying you should stop publishing unique and detailed weddings, but  reach out to real couples and publish their less elaborate weddings, too. Your  job as publishers should be to document this wonderful event for all couples. So  show us different types of brides and their weddings, both extraordinary and  simple.

You’re All Starting to Look the Same!

Do something outside of the norm and you’d probably get even more visitors.  And I’m not talking about finding the next fad. Focus on good photography and  substance.  All your blogs are starting to look alike  anyway.There are very few blogs I feel the need to follow any longer. I  know what I’ll find when I visit most wedding blogs because so many posts are  filled with the same:

• mason jars
• burlap
• wild flowers
• vintage suitcases
• stuffed initials
• feathers
• distant mountains
• tea-length dresses
• hand-made signs
• and fields

I’d love to visit your site and see all sorts of weddings; the unique mixed  in with the average and everything in between. This would make different posts  stand out, and brides wouldn’t be apologizing to me about how “boring” their  wedding is. Readers would see that every bride and wedding is different — not  because of feathers and burlap, but because of the unique nature of human  relationships; because of time and money constraints; and because the most  important part of the day isn’t in the details. You know what I mean. Deep down  I know you do.

By the Way, That’s “So 2011″

And, while you are considering what to accept, please consider the  photography!

The truth is this: Fad Photoshop filters and actions are often used to  cover-up bad or boring photography.

It doesn’t matter how many different shoe colors the bridesmaids wore if I  can barely see the difference because the hideous yellow and pink of a Photoshop  filter. Sometimes I can’t even tell if they’re wearing shoes because the tilt  shift effect is used to cover up and blur anything that would reveal it for what  it is: a boring photograph. How am I supposed to appreciate the little adorable  dogs in tuxedos if the picture is so underexposed that I can’t see the detail in  their rhinestone collars.

Learn to identify the difference between great photography and mere  photographic fads. And for the love of Pete don’t keep promoting those fads! By  way of example, let me remind you of selective color. Remember in 2006 and 2007  when you’d see that red rose sitting in a black and white room? Yeah – that’s  what’s going to happen to the washed-out vintage fad in about 2 years. Then  everyone is going to look at those weddings and think, “That was so 2011.” Eek.  Stop being wooed by fads!

Stop Publishing Crappy Photography!

Let me tell you, those 1970s, flower-child, hippy-happy weddings are not  helping you find your unique style for your blog. It’s also nauseating to scroll  through all those bile-yellow filtered photographs of fields with the bride and  groom all but obscured by fake, Photoshopped “sun-flares.”

We get it. It’s the trend. But let’s face it, it’s not a very  attractive one. Perhaps it’s time to move on. Perhaps it’s time to consider  accepting clear, clean photographs with accurate color. Photographs of the type  of weddings that we all actually attend: regular ones. I guarantee these  well-documented, professionally-shot weddings that honor true color will be the  classics in 25 years. They are honest.

Want to know how to find better photographers?

Stop picking photographers exclusively from your preferred vendor list. You  know who and what I’m talking about. I’m referring to those photographers who pay you to be listed. Maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there  whose work you really like, but who isn’t advertising with you. And maybe, if  you find a wedding from that person, you can publish it without saying something  like: “Oh this is good. We’d love to publish it, but you’ll have a better chance  of getting published if you advertise with us.” Really? Seriously? That’s what  you’re going with? That’s your bottom line?

OK, fine. Then select advertisers whose work you can stand behind. This is  important. Readers turn to you for solid recommendations. When selecting  vendors, consider skill level, not just sales revenue. Then, when someone  advertises with you, you can in good conscious publish one of their weddings or  even ask for an expert interview. It’s upsetting when we photographers pay  hundreds of dollars to advertise with you and our weddings are turned down, but  you’ll publish some hack who not only isn’t advertising with you, but they also  take horrible photographs. Oh, but I forgot, the bridal party is sporting twigs  in their hair. Come on! I know you’re smarter than that. Aren’t you?

Does this sound like the rant of a photographer who rarely gets published? It  sure does. But honestly, I’m published quite frequently. I am most thankful to  the little, upcoming blogs that may soon rise up and take over with their good  photography and their variety of wedding types. Of course unique weddings that  I’ve shot invariably get accepted much faster and in much larger publications.  But it breaks my heart when some of my “regular” weddings, which are often  gorgeous in their own right, don’t get accepted at all, with the reply that  there “aren’t enough details,” even when there are what I consider a decent  number of details. Look, I’m a detail-oriented photographer; I always make sure  I get a variety of shots. But at the end of the day, those in-between weddings  that I shoot, that are unique and held in gorgeous locations, don’t get accepted  because they aren’t as wildly eccentric as the weddings that are in the  spotlight now.

I love to photograph detailed weddings as much as the next photographer, but  all weddings need to be loved! And all brides and grooms need to beloved.

How did this turn into high-fashion? Why  are we daily hosting a who-can-have-the-weirdest-decorations-and-wedding-dress  contest?

I know this is a lot to ask. And I know the problem doesn’t lie just with  wedding bloggers. I also know why you exclusively accept highly-styled shoots  and weddings; I understand that you have to make a living, too. You need to  attract new readers and new advertisers. You feel the only way to do that is to  be unique, to carve out your niche, to offer something new and novel every day.  But this fantasy wedding world is not the reality of most weddings.  As you  continue to gain respect and power as a legitimate media source, your  responsibility toward your readers grows. Don’t screw up their heads with a  constant barrage of the unattainable. Give them something they can relate  to.

Just Get Real

So, it’s time to start including the bride who doesn’t have the time or money  for a mid-century-modern, ironic vanity fair.  Let’s celebrate the bride  who doesn’t have a craft studio that would make Martha jealous. It’s high time  we honor the experiences and pictures of the average wedding that may have  simple details, but always has lots of laughter and family and friends. These  weddings *can* teach us something about the true meaning of weddings and of  marriage. In fact, they do every weekend during wedding season. I think these  pictures should be readily available. Don’t be afraid to celebrate the average  wedding. It will be okay–more than okay. It will be honest and heartfelt and  full of life and substance. It will be real. Really real. I promise.

About the Author: Meg Surly (not her real name) is an  accomplished wedding photographer who has seen her work published in both big  blogs and small, as well as in print. When not photographing weddings, she  seriously considering starting a non-profit to support couples who need an antidote to the Bridal Koolaid, and to help bloggers in desperate need of a reality check.

About Cockles and Pretties: Cockles and Pretties  is not a real blog. It’s a combination of everything wrong with many popular  wedding blogs.

http://hindsightbride.com/2011/10/10/open-letter-wedding-bloggers/#axzz1aa9aWWwX